is life meaningful or supposed to be?

'ARE YOU SHAGGED?!', shouted by the sergeants to the soldiers(after a 4km road march with backpack, vest, gun, helmet and your boots. we had to reply 'NO SERGEANT' so as not to get more punishments than what we are already doing.

this is something definately not very humane to people who appreciate and enjoy life like clubbing, slacking at home and studying. they force you to do things beyond your limits.

the end results? nice body, tanned, fit. better chances for those whom with no girlfriends, so that includes me. well, not time yet, perhaps after my NS. men are after all men, as i observed in the army. all kinds of jokes can come out, from different races and religion, to how men and women actually 'interact' if you know what i mean. is this what men displays and what other people think about them? although im a man myself but im not like the typical kind. im different. when you know me, you will understand what i mean. i feel left out when i know im not exactly like them, but i feel good when i know at least im not like them whom girls like to critisize, 'stupid men, all bad eggs'.

confusion surrounds my mind, as always. thinking whether i should be myself or be someone that people want me to be. i live life, i live only once. i should live it with no regrets, and possibly no mistakes.

at least life is at suspense now, two years of pause for me to think and contemplate over what i want to do in future, perhaps for the next few years.

booking in at 2015, for the next six days i will be in camp and this routine gonna last for two more months, and my future in the SAF is unknown. whether i go to command school or not, i have to work for it.

having a cough since last week in tekong, unwell. friends and family told me to go to the doctor's, but i didnt. its a mere sickness that will heal soon, i hope. hate it when i cough, especially during PT, march and worst, at night when sleeping. not only me, but my mates are feeling the same too. i had to get well in order to perform at my max, im most of the time struggling. its a suffer some times.

i have a dream, that is to travel all around the world. to see the world, explore and discover. so many places, but still where got money? i have to earn them some day.

by the time you read till here, you might be annoyed by the stucture of my post, very disorganized. exactly, im not at my best and i hope you wouldn't mind.

seriously, i miss my friends. all of you, so very much.

i was happy and touched by my granny last week. here is what happened: i live on the 13th floor of HDB flat. we dry our clothes outside using bamboo poles and so happens one of the pole which my army towel and clothes were attached to dropped due to the strong wind, and it lended on a one storey high platform that was used for construction. obviously my granny couldn't reach it, but she was more anxious than me becoz if i were to lose any of my army items, i will get charged. i still remember it was in the morning when the wind came, she was cooking and i was slacking watching TV. she told me to go get them using the ladder, i was lazy and told her i will do it later. she persist saying it will not be good for me should anyone steal them. i was ignorant, and she said, 'hey, i go down with you, and i carry the ladder for you.' this sentence stroke me in the head, i immediately went down and without any ladder i managed to take the pole down.
which grandma in this world will want to carry the ladder for me, just to prevent my from getting charged in army. she was cooking and she had to worry about this for me when im the rightful person to be responsible. thank you granny.


alot of people i want to see, hug. kiss, miss, and love.


life can be meaningful, and not meaningful. the choice is in my hands!

take care for now.